Star Jones, please please stop everything you are doing and listen to Tallulah.

If your team of advisors have not said this to you, I will.

You need to step away from the wreckage of your public persona and be quiet for good three months. And that means you can’t respond to Barbara Walters commentary about your weight. See that picture of you before and after?

You WERE obese. There’s no need to pretend that you weren’t. Claim it. Claim it like you claimed your husband and your entitlement to having a big old fabulous wedding paid for by anyone else but you and Al.

Your sniping at Barbara Walters makes you seem petty and churlish:

“It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book. It speaks to her true character.”

No, it’s a sad day that you have the time with a potentially nasty divorce looming (what stories can Al spill about you?) to speak out against someone who is basically responsible for your television personality career in the first place?

Here are some things you can do today to kinda sorta fix the situation in the short term:

• Fire the person who helped you disseminate that statement. This person is glad that you can pay him/her today but who knows what will happen if you never ever get a TV job or endorsement deal? You will become Star who. Fire them today.

• Go away for awhile. In order for you to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of this phase in your life, you need to go live a life far away from the 24 hour celebrity news cycle. Pick a foreign destination, call up a friend and park your new self and meditate on what you want for the next few years. Because you can’t want more of this, right?

• Very important - Acknowledge and accept that you are not as powerful as Barbara Walters and Oprah Winfrey. The mere fact that it didn’t give you pause that Barbara repeated her comments about your weight from her book to Oprah gives me pause! It wasn’t like two girls IMing — it was two cultural icons letting you know that, ultimately, you and your issues don’t matter to them. They are mere fodder for them to share with a million or more viewers. Once you get over the need to always be seen worthy, maybe you can pursue the qualities that make you a better you. (Some of my friends would say this is impossible because they really loathe you but I have hope.)

Maybe if you start with this, you can start making plans to take over for Larry King when he goes to the big microphone in the sky.

Of course, you don’t have to listen to me. But remember that you need to move forward in your life with some grace and dignity and not wallowing in negativity and anger.

TTFN,

Tallulah