UPDATE – the problem(s) with ‘How To Make It In America’

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***Just got off the phone with a woman who works specifically with designers to launch their lines.  Wow!  Why doesn’t Ian Edelman, creator of ‘How To Make It In America,’ know someone like this exists and write it into his bible so Cam and Ben(?) aren’t bumbling around like village idiots in their quest to be THE MAN?

I respect creative endeavors and output.  Getting a television show to air is a tremendous achievement and should not be treated with disrespect.

But ‘How To Make It In America’ bores me.

I feel this is someone’s heart and soul being poured out over Cam and the lead guy’s (cannot remember the character’s name) attempt to make their new jean line (Crisp) a must-have for every model’s ass from Manhattan to Minsk.

I wish the show made me feel energized and do more than chuckle.  The  ambition on display needs to be shimmery and irresistible (yes, like Citizen Kane‘s) to whip up excitement.

Instead, it’s super chunky like curdled milk.  Glug, glug.  (Except for Luis Guzman.  I have loved Luis Guzman since he played a magic obsessed ex-con in Out Of Sight.)

The show wants us to be enamored of two clueless dudes attempting to become Donald Trump 3.0? It’s not the real estate industry that is Donald’s true claim to fame; it’s his hardcore belief in himself as King of the World.  And that’s what Cam, the other guy and some character played by Kid Cudi (I know I could look up the names but Umi said I didn’t have to) KNOW is their destiny.

A destiny that doesn’t require knowledge, insight, research, or wit, but does need much champagne and models. And connections.  And sick beats.  Example given:

A model girlfriend of Kid Cudi’s character knows John Varvatos (yes, THE John Varvatos) so Cam and the other lead guy wrangle an invitation to drink with THE John Varvatos and his party of friends and friends of friends in some lounge that is only known to models.  Then, Cam awkwardly asks THE John Varvatos for help with the launch of their jean line with a self-serving toast.  IT WORKS.  THE John Varvatos agrees to meet them in the daylight, without alcohol lubricants. SCORE!

The two denim kings in the making don’t actually get to meet with Varvatos.  He offers up his Denim president to guide them in the next step of jeanmaking.  He tells them to get a pattern maker. And the two little denim kings open their eyes and say we didn’t know we needed that.  Which is odd to me because if Ben (I think that’s his name) attended FIT for a short time, why doesn’t he have an inkling of this?

It seems insulting that the show wants viewers to believe there their two leads are that clueless and that we should be charmed by it.  These are two twentysomethings that can talk their way into clubs, parties and panties. They should have picked up some knowledge that can help them between 9 and 5, no?

Or maybe viewers are supposed to identify with the naivete and mistakes so it can be sweeter when the two in Cam’s words:  ‘Become the man.’   Maybe the goal is to have viewers believe that Cam and Ben’s(?) adventures are our own?  But without drinking champagne and smelling jasmine scented model hair.

My other problem with the show is that it doesn’t feel very HBO.  If I wanted to watch television at 10pm on a Sunday night, I would be watching ABC.  HBO is supposed to bring the kind of  adult subject matter  that makes one feel worldly and innocent at the same time.

‘Sex and the City’ for its flaws did this entertainingly well.  See Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys episode.

I need that kind of jolt to the system from the twenty-somethings of ‘How To Make It In America.’

Why do these mistresses deserve an apology?

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I’m reading Jo Piazza at PopEater and she seems to be serious that Tiger’s Angels deserve personal apologies for his behavior:

Call them what you will. The mistresses may very well be fame-seeking, gold-digging harpies, or they may be vulnerable women caught up in the web of lies of a famous and powerful man. Either way, it doesn’t mean they aren’t human and weren’t hurt by Tiger’s actions. Omitting the other women caught up in his scandal goes to show that Tiger isn’t genuinely sorry for hurting anyone. He is just sorry he got caught.

First, why should he apologize to consenting adults?  Unless these women were….

1. underage (NOPE!) AND/OR

2. exhibited diminished mental capacity (Tallulah, SHUT UP!)

why should Tiger be treated like he took advantage of them?  Were they upset when they were gulping champagne with Tiger?  Any mental breakdowns when Tiger and his entourage were flying them all over the world for assignations?

No, they were loving being in the orbit of a famous, wealthy athlete.  They sniffed his aura and wanted more.

It was their responsibility to protect their feelings from the lies and manipulations of a married, superstar athlete.  These women, using their free will and intelligence, dropped their panties for Tiger.    No matter how many lies Tiger told (or continues to tell),  he doesn’t have the power of mind control (and neither does his peen*) to make someone forget about a man’s wife and kids. Or their own moral code.

So I suggest that Tiger’s harem and their weird enablers — buck up.  Accept that Tiger wasn’t in love with you. (Stone cold narcissists rarely fall in love.)   Stop playing helpless victim and follow Kim Kardashian’s lead:  MONETIZE  YOUR REALITY. Wipe those tears, there’s money to be made!**

Ella Fitzgerald  Love For Sale

*But imagine if a peen could do that.  Wouldn’t that be amazing????!!!!!!  The mind boggles.

**Gloria Allred can definitely help with this endeavor.   She is a world-class professional.

Dear New Yorkers who don’t like to pick up their dog’s waste:

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A sidewalk overpopulated with your pet’s feces is unappealing and gross.  It ruins the mood to have to dodge  shit pellets as I walk  to the corner bodega.  I love your dog.  And I want to love you.  So could you do the neighborly thing and dispose properly of these trinkets from your dog’s ass?

All my best,

Tallulah Bankhead

Wait, wait Whoopi Goldberg made Wendy Williams cry? On her own show?

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Now, Whoopi has a Tony, an Oscar, an Emmy and a Grammy so she really doesn’t need to ever talk to Wendy Williams (or Elisabeth Hasselback, for that matter.)

Wendy feels that she had to go hard on celebrities during her radio days to get to a point where she could have her own talk show.  And, unfortunately, she’s right.  She played the game to win — not to make friends.

Wendy Williams Chokes Up When Whoopi Goldberg Visits Her Show (Guess They Squashed Their Beef?) [DimeWars.com]
TV Has Given Wendy Williams A Soul And A Conscience… Whoopi Goldberg Makes Wendy Cry [Bossip.com]

After reading Southwest Air’s numerous apologies to director Kevin Smith…

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for kicking him off the plane for being too fat,  I get the feeling the company is passively-aggressively saying

“Fat people, please spend your money with an airline that will not insult you.  You would think we would value money > girth, but you would be wrong! We don’t need you.  Now go fly United! Or Air Tran.  They’ll take you, no questions asked.”

Many years ago, I saw The Corporation, a documentary analyzing the damaging mindset of corporations.   One of the key takeaways from the film (for me) was the acknowledgement that corporations are built to maximize profit, without regard to showing empathy, compassion or giving a damn. Just like a sociopath.

I salute Southwest Air for knowing its true purpose in society.

Kevin Smith: “I’m never going on Southwest again” [CNN]

***I hope he doesn’t show up in Southwest Air ads in 2012 because he’s down on his luck.