I’m stepping in as the Relationship Guru to the World.* True, I’m woefully unqualified for the job but if Jersey Shore‘s Snooki can be a NY Times bestselling author, I can be a relationship guru. Here are some quick takeaways for those of you negotiating the sometimes rocky, sometimes sublime road to love, lust & whatevs.
- The person who asks pays for the date, BUT if the evening involves a nightcap or late night breakfast offer pay because it’s thoughtful and don’t we all want to be considered thoughtful?
- And the first date shouldn’t be sharing a bottle of wine while watching South Park. Watching TV as a first date sets a very low bar for future dates even if you are broke. If that’s a first date, what’s going to happen on date 239? Be thoughtful and plan something engaging and fun. In other words, make an effort. This includes showering, wearing clean clothes and being on time.
- Pay attention. People do tell us who they are; it’s our job to listen. I once had a date with a personal trainer at my gym. His biceps and thigh muscles compelled me to say yes. At dinner, he denigrated the mother of his son with such a ferocious intensity that, looking back, I realize I should have left him in that moment. But I didn’t. I continued on the date where we saw a French film that I can’t remember the name of, but I do remember that I liked the movie and he hated it and for that, he called me stupid. True, I can be stupid about many things (e.g. my obsession with Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise), but I wasn’t being stupid about my reasons for liking the movie. I abruptly said good night and walked away. Bad on me for not leaving sooner; good on me for hearing and acknowledging that he wasn’t the kind of man I wanted or needed in my life. Here are some other scenarios where a first date should remain the only date:
*If your date doesn’t have any books in his/her apartment, run. (Credit due to the brilliant John Waters for this one.)
*If your date is still living or having sex with an ex.
*If your date is co-parenting with a deranged and/or jealous ex. You will never have a relationship that won’t involve the ex. There will never be an us, it will always be a we. No one deserves that kind of life.
*If your date has unresolved anger issues. Unless you are a trained therapist, it’s not your job to work with the emotionally damaged.
- If you really really really want to, have sex on the first date. Just don’t be surprised or bitter if that night of sex doesn’t lead to a return phone call, a long-term relationship and/or marriage.
Next time, the Relationship Guru to the World will cover Transitioning into a Relationship.
Comedian Steve Harvey attacked by ex-wife on YouTube [Reuters]
Steve Harvey’s Ex-Wife Puts Him On Blast For Cheating 15-Times… [Bossip]
Steve Harvey’s ex-wife blasts comedians on YouTube [CNN, yes CNN]
Because she put the sheep at Fox & Friends on blast! Joan Rivers was at a party and said the following when asked about Sarah Palin (thanks, TMZ!):
“I think Sarah Palin is an amazing woman. I think she represents everything strong a woman can be, and I think she should go someplace – to another planet – to show them, and get out of our face,”
So Fox & Friends decided to cancel Joan’s appearance because they are petty & mean-spirited cootie havers (thanks, NY Times!):
Ms. Rivers said that she and her daughter, Melissa, were scheduled to appear on “Fox and Friends” on Thursday morning to promote their new reality series, “Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?”, which will make its debut on the WE TV channel on Tuesday. But on Wednesday afternoon Ms. Rivers and her publicist, Judy Katz, said they had been told by a producer at “Fox and Friends” that the appearance had been canceled because of remarks she made about Ms. Palin, who is a paid contributor to Fox News.
The noive! And of course, our Joanie wasn’t having it (thanks, Daily Intel):
How did you hear about Fox’s decision?
We’re here to promote our new reality show and we’re talking to everybody. And somewhere along the line, I must’ve said something about Sarah Palin, she should be on another planet, she’s stupid, and this morning it came down. We were ousted from Fox & Friends, I guess Fox & Former Friends. Our PR person was told specifically, because she asked why, it was because of the Sarah Palin remark, which they now are denying. This girl! We’ll take lie detector tests. It’s absolutely exactly what they said. Welcome to the eighties!
And Fox & Friends kept to the ban right? Nope! (thanks, Us Magazine!)
“Due to the volume of news topics tomorrow morning and a full show, our booker mistakenly canceled Joan’s appearance instead of re-scheduling her for Friday’s show,” Lauren Petterson, executive producer of FOX and Friends tells Us. “We’re in the process of booking her on an upcoming show.”
Although I don’t believe anyone who works for Fox, I’m thrilled that Joan squawked loud enough to FORCE them create a lie to cover up their petty, mean spirited ways.
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.
The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 110,000 times in 2010. If it were an exhibit at The Louvre Museum, it would take 5 days for that many people to see it.
In 2010, there were 69 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 590 posts. There were 4 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 1mb.
The busiest day of the year was March 8th with 1,212 views. The most popular post that day was Thandie Newton is Condi Rice. .
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were blacksnob.com, blackwomendeservebetter.com, thatblackgirlsite.com, search.aol.com, and en.wordpress.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for thandie newton, thandie newton pictures, celtics, boston celtics, and solange knowles.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
Thandie Newton is Condi Rice. April 2008
I watched Teyana Taylor’s My Super Sweet 16 episode when I was sick… May 2008
Introducing Miss Slum, a new restaurant in Williamsburg… June 2008
The goat gets a check, the goat gets a check… March 2008
That’s a healthy choice, right?
Hell yeah, I’m excited!
And they better not f*ck the show up.
I’m now dancing to Katy Perry’s music.
Also, I just realized that I’ve never gone to brunch without consuming alcohol. Let’s see how this works out.