Weekly Pop Quiz…..Who Said It?

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Share your guesses in the comments section:

  • “Well, if you were a true Christian, you would have your facts straight. Christianity is about love.”
  • “Not that there’s anyone counting, but for a group that calls itself the ‘One Million Moms,’ they only have 40,000 members on their Facebook page. They’re rounding to the nearest million, and I get that.” 
  • “I made some mistakes.”
  • “My favorite thing about Mrs Obama was when she was asked if her skirt was not too tight and she answered “Why you don’t like my big black ass?”*”
  • “My husband cannot f—ing throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time”
  • “That semester I achieved a 3.93, and in the same time I managed to bench double my bodyweight and do 35 pull-ups.”

*She didn’t say that but it’s a hoot the speaker thinks she did!

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These are a few of my favorite posts…

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These posts aren’t my favorites because they received the most comments or shares — they are my favorites because they were fun to write!    A great reminder of why I blog and why I need to keep blogging:

#SeniorCitizenoftheDay: Joan Rivers
Tallulah watches ‘The Millionaire Matchmaker’

Raven Symone and Lindsay Lohan: A Comparison

Divorce is never fun
I think it’s HIGHLARIOUS that an elected official…

Again, the rules are different for women.

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Since #SteveHarvey was busted by his ex-wife for having no clue on…

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how to

1. have a healthy intimate relationship
2. end an intimate relationship with dignity and maturity

I’m stepping in as the Relationship Guru to the World.*  True, I’m woefully unqualified for the job but if Jersey Shore‘s Snooki can be a NY Times bestselling author, I can be a relationship guru. Here are  some quick takeaways  for those of you negotiating the sometimes rocky, sometimes sublime road to love, lust & whatevs.

First Dates

  • The person who asks pays for the date, BUT if the evening involves a nightcap or late night breakfast offer pay because it’s thoughtful and don’t we all want to be considered thoughtful?
  • And the first date shouldn’t be sharing a bottle of wine while watching South Park. Watching TV as a first date sets a very low bar for future dates even if you are broke.  If that’s a first date, what’s going to happen on date 239?  Be thoughtful and plan something engaging and fun.  In other words, make an effort. This includes showering, wearing clean clothes and being on time.
  • Pay attention.  People do tell us who they are; it’s our job to listen.  I once had a date with a personal trainer at my gym.  His biceps and thigh muscles compelled me to say yes. At dinner, he denigrated the mother of his son with such a ferocious intensity that, looking back, I realize I should have left him in that moment. But I didn’t. I continued on the date where we saw a French film that I can’t remember the name of, but I do remember that I liked the movie and he hated it and for that, he called me stupid.  True, I can be stupid about many things (e.g. my obsession with Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise), but I wasn’t being stupid about my reasons for liking the movie. I abruptly said good night and walked away.  Bad on me for not leaving sooner; good on me for hearing and acknowledging that he wasn’t the kind of man I wanted or needed in my life.   Here are some other scenarios where a first date should remain the only date:
*If your date is Antonio Cromartie, Tiger Woods, Paris Hilton, The Situation, Sarah Jessica Parker, Camille Grammer, Snooki, Ben Roethlisberger or Charlie Sheen.
*If your date thinks 7-11 is too expensive. 

*If your date doesn’t have any books in his/her apartment, run. (Credit due to the brilliant John Waters for this one.)

*If your date is still living or having sex with an ex.

*If your date is co-parenting with a deranged and/or jealous ex.  You will never have a relationship that won’t involve the ex.  There will never be an us, it will always be a we. No one deserves that kind of life.

*If your date has unresolved anger issues.  Unless you are a trained therapist, it’s not your job to work with the emotionally damaged.

  • If you really really really want to, have sex on the first date.  Just don’t be surprised or bitter if that night of sex doesn’t lead to a return phone call, a  long-term relationship and/or marriage.

Next time, the Relationship Guru to the World will cover Transitioning into a Relationship.

Aren’t you glad that Steve Harvey is toast as a relationship expert?

Comedian Steve Harvey attacked by ex-wife on YouTube [Reuters]
Steve Harvey’s Ex-Wife Puts Him On Blast For Cheating 15-Times… [Bossip]
Steve Harvey’s ex-wife blasts comedians on YouTube [CNN, yes CNN]

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I feel bad that I don’t care about this.

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Jennifer Aniston zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [US Magazine]

Shouldn’t I have some solidarity with her because although we don’t share the same hair color, zip code or bank account, Jennifer Aniston is me and I am Jennifer Aniston?

That’s what  People and US have been trying to tell me ever since ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith.’

Mama Spears is gonna be pissed…

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H/T:  The Superficial

Jamie Lynn Spears done knocked herself up again!

Minnie Driver can’t get the price she requested for photos of

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her little angel so she posts on MySpace.

Call me cynical but for some reason I think she thought she could get as much as Nicole Richie.

Didn’t work out.

it’s too damn hot for serious contemplation of gossip and silliness.

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Just got back from vacation, where the land was lush and green and pretty.

I woke up to overcast days that were quickly replaced by a sultry sun.

No mugginess, thank God!

A few days away from the tentacles of American television, Internet and a cell phone reminded me how utterly ridiculous American culture is.

Although I relish the moments that transcend the stupid, I know these moments are exceptions. I wish I could say that it’s just the heat that makes me such a crank but after a quick tour of news I missed while gone….it ain’t the heat, it’s the truth that’s got me knocking most things American.

  • Dina Lohan. Bad mothers exist all over the world but only in America are they rewarded with a TV show and a showcase for their talent free antics. Dina Lohan STILL wants to be a star so bad, it hurts. And someone is selling advertising on her dire need to pimp her nonexistent talents. I wonder if that someone still has their house?
  • I’m voting for Barack Obama because I don’t want to stare at Senator Rigor Mortis’ face for the next four years. Also if one more person brays about how Senator Rigor Mortis is in favor of women having any kind of control over their uteruses, I’m going to scream.
  • Bridezillas. The brides to be. The husbands to be. The producers egging these nutjobs on. All should be held responsible. Including me because I’m addicted. I wonder if I can get on Intervention?