A small request to Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone Penn Ritchie:

Please don’t move to New York.  Please.  Miami is better than New York.  You know it. I know it.  You love Miami.  And Miami loves you.

Don’t come to New York. We suck, remember?  So take your hot divorced mama action to Miami.

L & K,

Tallulah

Divorce is never fun….

says a woman who has never been married.

I imagine it must be a drag to change your entire routine to accommodate someone’s need to grow without you.

And to do it in the public eye with some vulture masquerading as a journalist feasting on the carcass of your dead relationship?

Not fun at all.

So I’m not going to laugh or heap opprobium on any of the parties involved in the latest celebrity marriage that seems headed for the land of asset review, custodial arrangements and lawyers.

Spokeswoman: Madonna and Guy Ritchie to Divorce [AP]

Madonna, Guy Ritchie Divorcing [E! Online]

New York, are you gonna take this kind of diss from Madame Madonna?

“It’s not the exciting place it used to be. It still has great energy; I still put my finger in the socket. But it doesn’t feel alive, cracking with that synergy between the art world and music world and fashion world that was happening in the 80s. A lot of people died.”

Damn, Madonna.  What can Tallulah do to make you love our drab, dull azzes again?

When I see Madonna on the cover of Vanity Fair touting its Green issue,

I think of how she must jet around the world in private planes.

I will reuse toilet tissue, I will buy Seventh Generation products, I will recycle, I will walk or ride instead of driving, I will do everything to care and nurture Mother Earth.

Now can the media stop shoving celebrities down my throat as the avatars of green?

Yeesh.

(Cover shot via justjared)

“It’s so hard to get in there in the first place, then you finally make it in and this happens.”

-a 20something who patronised the new hep spot Socialista, when a bartender infected with Hepatitis A was working at the club.

Hepatitis A is a virus that is usually spread by contact (stop eating if you are reading this) with the infected’s stool by eating food the infected has handled after not washing their hands. (Explains why there are signs everywhere imploring restaurant and bar employees to wash their hands.)In other words, hep A is gross.New York City’s Department of Health is offering free vaccines for any patrons who hit the club during the days the bartender was working — February 7, 8 and 11.Patrons who might want to get their free shots include Madonna, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Lucy Liu, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson and Bruce Willis. They were loving life on February 7, celebrating Ashton Kutcher’s 30th birthday.

The free vaccine and maybe a handwritten note of apology from Socialista’s co-owner and NBC Entertainment president Ben Silverman might make up for putting a damper on the good time?

This is why Tallulah is a big proponent of drinking at home. Maybe the company isn’t famous and can get quite belligerent but I always wash my hands when fixing the drinks.

Source.