Today, while watching an episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 (It was the one where Brenda decides to go to college back east and there was a wild going away party at a beach house and David was lusting to take Donna’s virginity. Sorry, I’ll stop), I remembered that there are plans to reanimate this testament to the power of Aaron Spelling, excellent casting of spitfire Shannen Doherty and that elusive yet necessary zeitgeist mojo that made the original a trend factory.
Now that I know the character breakdowns, I can offer my casting suggestions. I’m sure the spinoff producers have been waiting for this.
Character: Tabitha Mills, actress/alcoholic matriarch
Actor: Donna Mills
Why: Donna Mills playing an alcoholic actress who has slept with everything that has moved in Hollywood for the last 20 years is more than I can hope for in this world. Please, please let me get what I want.
Character: Harrison Mills, Tabitha’s goody two shoes son
Actor: Ivan Sergei
Why: Because he’s fine and I want to make out of wedlock babies with him.
Character: Celia Mills, Harrison’s wife, an Olympic athlete
Actor: Charisma Carpenter
Why: For some reason, I’ve always liked her in Buffy and Angel.
Character: Annie Mills, 16 year old biological daughter of Celia and Harrison
Actor: Vivien Cardone
Why: She was so good as Delia on Everwood, she deserves another TV show.
Character: Dixon Mills, 16 year old adopted son of Celia and Harrison, guessing he will be a chick magnet
Actor: Evan Ross
Why: They call him Mr. Ross. Seriously, can’t you see his mother making a very special appearance on the show as a long lost relative coming to claim him but he doesn’t want to leave his adopted parents because he loves them so much?
Character: Daphne Silver, wannabe socialite who befriends Annie and has a crush on Dixon.
Actor: Sarah Steele
Why: She was tender, sweet and believable as a teenager who is a disappointment to her mother yet beloved by her father in Spanglish. She has a quality that doesn’t make me cringe.
Character: Max Silver, 24 year old brother to Daphne & manager of family movie theater
Actor: Jesse Eisenberg
Why: He looks like he could be Sarah Steele’s big brother.
Character: Ethan Ward
Actor: Channing Tatum
Why: Isn’t he the cutest thing?
Character: Naomi Bennett, the hot rich ex-girlfriend to Ethan
Actor: Camille Winbush
Why: Good actors need work!