Tallulah Bankhead sks boy with Grand Theft Auto IV…

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Yeah, baby, this is what Tallulah looks like.

I need to play Grand Theft Auto IV.

I need to play it NOW.

If there are any cute boys in downtown Manhattan or Park Slope, Dumbo, Brooklyn Heights, Cobble Hill, Fort Greene with Grand Theft Auto IV who want to help a girl out this week by helping her get off on Grand Theft Auto IV … holla in the comments and include a link for a photo.

Man Stabbed in queue for Grand Theft Auto IV (The Times – UK)

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Although I do hope Gossip Girl garners better ratings than The Hills this week…

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Nate getting with Vanessa make Blair unhappy this week.

…I understand if it doesn’t.

Last week, The Hills‘ attracted 3.75 million idiots with syphilis compared to Gossip Girl‘s 2.5 discriminating, adorable, probably read a lot of Jane Austen viewers.

But Tallulah has a theory on why this is happening.

You see, the life and goals of the marginally retarded cast of The Hills to a majority of the
f**kwits who watch it seems attainable.

To a lot of people, MTV could come to their town or they could go to some countdown taping
and they could be selected out of the crowd to be anointed as worthy of a camera following them while they live their life.

it seems within reach and possible to have Heidi Montag’s dumb-ass life of creating product (album, clothes) that should be marketed as toxic waste instead of something anyone would purchase with real money.

And Gossip Girl?
No matter what viewers do …

whether they live in Aliceville, Kansas or Cameron Park, Montana or Beaver County, Pennsylvania or Staten Island, New York…

they are not going to be rolling financially like the fictional characters Blair, Serena, Nate and Chuck (I will say that Dan and his thieving little sister are the closest to the reality of most viewers)

simply because a MTV producer is burnt out and over the job anyway.

It’s okay though…the wannabes can have The Hills.  Me and the Gossip are doing fine without them.

Gossip Girl is Loved From Soho to Singapore; Does It Matter? (TV By The Numbers)

Oh moronic denizen of Williamsburg, why do you feed the hate?

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This is an excerpt from ad for a roommate to share a Williamsburg loft on Craigslist.

About You:
You are fucking awesome. You are the housemate anyone would want. You have conversations with your housemates as well as have your own personal life out side of us. You laugh at jokes, have a great sense of humor but are not fake, flakey, full of shit, or pretend. You already know how great the neighborhood is and have friends you see all the time around the way. You are a girl or guy with a great sense of personal care. You make nasty in the bathroom you light incense. You make mac n’ cheese you do the dishes and maybe even the single cup the person before you left behind. You have a passion for something creative that you honestly peruse. You don’t say you are a writer, you have 6 chapters done and working on number 7. You don’t say you are a painter, you have awesome art that your housemates love to see and talk about. You are open to new ideas, music, people, foods, and art. You don’t have any pets. You don’t have some dependant boyfriend or girlfriend that is always sitting on our couch and eating my cereal. You are trustworthy, respectful, honest, and neat. At least neat in common areas. You shower, wear deodorant, brush your teeth, do laundry and even bust out the broom and murder some dust bunnies. You are not a couch potato.
You have a handful of awesome friends that are respectful and nice to your housemates also. Your friends don’t come over to often and they and you ask if someone can sleep on the couch. You do not use drugs. You do not lie and say you don’t drugs then actually do. Trust me we will find out if you do. I repeat you do not have some sketchy delivery guy dropping off little white bags of death at 6 in the morning at my home with a few asshole friends. You do occasionally smoke some greens and share with your roommates. Occasionally not excessively. You are not whiney. You are not gossipy. Your are not a slut, you are not a douche bag. You work a job or two. You have a job with perks we can all use. You pay attention to sound and alarms. Your are over all CONSIDERATE ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. You do not smoke cigarettes in our home. You use apple computers and read vice magazine. You are not too old, you are not too young. You are not a drama king or drama queen. You are not an asshole. And you think this apartment sounds like the best place for you.

Whenever I go to Williamsburg, I try really hard not to loathe the place and the people who live there. Ultimately, I fail. The same question pops into my brain with every visit:

are all you mofos delusional? It’s remote, filthy and overpopulated with super crappy apartment buildings and people who would have done anything to avoid living there 15-20 years ago.

There is something to be said about outlining your hopes, dreams and wishes for a housemate but not once did this hipster version of Dwight Schrute stop to think that his wishlist for roomie perfection might turn people off to the idea of living with him in the house of cool.

Miley Cyrus needs to stop whining about the Vanity Fair photos.

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The pretend outrage at being 15 years old and featured in the slowly irrelevant Vanity Fair topless is boring. It’s all so calculated. If parents said oh well, the talking point would have been ‘Miley is growing up.’ Now that there’s a photographic proof that she undoubtedly straddles the line between teendom and sex symbol, there is apology and regret. Statement:

“My goal in my music and my acting is always to make people happy. For Vanity Fair, I was so honored and thrilled to work with Annie [Leibovitz]. I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed.”

Bollocks.

Miley, count the money you get pimping little kids who think you are the greatest thing since New Kids on the Block. Continue to be a millionaire. Continue to make people happy (whatever that means). But please stop complaining because you willingly posed semi-topless or ‘artistic’ in a photo session with Annie Leibowitz.

Her parents and managers always had the option to say no to Vanity Fair (i.e. we want to wait until she’s older before she makes that transition from child commodity to adult commodity) but an insatiable desire for the limelight and more money didn’t make that possible.  Tallulah says:

Suck it up, ya little brat!

Source.

An open letter to Damon Wayans…

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You’ve got a lot of people’s attention with your skit, Abortion Man.

The blogs What About Our Daughters and Jezebel are asking what is up with your tasteless take on unwanted pregnancy but I’m curious about something else.

Damon, what life have you been living that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach is funny?

Have any of your friends or relatives been subject to the baby shakedown?

(An aside: The baby shakedown is when a woman decides, after her lover, boyfriend, jump-off emphatically states that he doesn’t want a baby and asks her to have an abortion, to have the baby anyway and make him pay child support.

I’m aware it takes two to make a baby but it doesn’t take two to have a baby. If a man states that he doesn’t want to parent a child with a woman, isn’t it best for a woman to take his word for it? There are other options than attempting to force some men in accepting their responsibility. Maybe terminate his parental rights and not ask for any financial support? If the goal is to be a mother, do it. But if the goal is to have a child to keep a man tied to you for the rest of his life no matter who gets hurt then….I don’t know what to say.)

Damon, there must be a baby shakedown in your past to make you come up with this, right? And I wish you would talk about the baby shakedown or whatever else is bothering you about unplanned pregnancies instead of having your son put on a cape to look like an utter fool.

Damon, I think you may need a professional therapist to help you work out the thorny issue of why you feel the best answer to an unplanned pregnancy is a beatdown. Find someone. But please….

no more lousy comedy/social commentary skits. It makes you and your fam look stupid.

Damon Wayans Thinks Violently Attacking Black Pregnant Teens is Funny: “Abortion Man” (WAOD)

“Abortion Man”: The Worst, Supposedly Video You May Ever See (Jezebel)


Star Jones and Dwayne Wade kissing in a tree….

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Supposedly they are dating.  Damn, Star, you work fast!

Coup on 30 Rock!

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Oh no, the creator of MILF Island was dethroned!

And Tracy Jordan created a porn video game. Manchildren, across the land, rejoice in the bounty and intelligence of their Lord…

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