Boerum Hill: Beautiful-beautiful-beautiful. Good subway accessibility. A lively mix. Large African and Middle Eastern populations with their excellent food. Antiques shops. Smith Street’s restaurant row. One day when I have a real paying job, I will live here.
Cobble Hill: Popular and chic yet serene and tranquil. Great little gourmet food shops and clothing boutiques. Discount tickets at Cobble Hill Cinemas. Olives, nuts, and hummus from legendary Sahadi’s store.
Carroll Gardens: Old Italian men shootin’ the breeze outdoors all summer. Charming. Historic brownstones with actual gardens. Handmade pasta at Caputo’s. Bocce. Where I call home.
Red Hook: Though MTV based a Real World season in this neighborhood, I do not know anyone who lives here…yet. IKEA. Those ballpark vendors in the summer. Housing projects. No subways. Possible location of the teamsters’ sandwich shop mentioned in 30 Rock episode.
Williamsburg: Industrial. Hipsters. Artist types. Cash only. Gritty urbanism. Former garter, shoe, and candle factories converted into overpriced lofts. Dirty. According to sis, “where the ‘poor kids’ of Gossip Girl allegedly live with their artist dad.”
Greenpoint: Old Polish neighborhood. Mostly subway inaccessible. McCarren Park Pool and nostalgia for the summer concerts there (soon to open as an actual public pool).
Brooklyn Heights: Basically a Manhattan neighborhood that happens to be on the other side of the river. Brownstone mansions for yuppies who work on Wall Street and want to start a family. Waterfront promenade for fancy dog-walking and jogging in expensive stretchy clothes. $$$$.
DUMBO: Art galleries and workspaces. Yummy foods: Grimaldi’s pizza, River Café, Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, Jacques Torres Chocolate. Views of bridges and skyline. According to sis, “where the loft of the ‘poor kids’ of Gossip Girl is actually located.” Which makes that show a total farce, told you.
Windsor Terrace and Kensington: No one knows where either is, even native New Yorkers. The few ungentrified (read: affordable, or, in the words of a white friend who lives there, “no white people”) areas left in Brooklyn that are still somewhat downtown Manhattan accessible.
Fort Greene: Brooklyn Flea market. Grand burgundy brownstones and uneven sidewalks. Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM). Home to writers Jhumpa Lahiri, Colson Whitehead, Amitav Ghosh, and Jennifer Egan, among others.
Clinton Hill: G train. Pratt Institute and its artsy students. Historic mansions that were accessible to Manhattan by stagecoach but not so much by subway. Still affordable without being crappy.
Park Slope: The yuppieland of Brooklyn after the internet-startup boom 10 years ago. All-terrain SUV-type strollers, moms in Burberry and Lululemon, and well-groomed purebreds take up the width of sidewalks.
Prospect Heights: A no-man’s land between Park Slope and whatever lays beyond. Connected by the dreaded Franklin Street Shuttle that everyone insists is not that bad.
Crown Heights: Blacks + Hasidic Jews + other = race riots.
Dyker Heights: Houses covered in crazy Christmas lights and decorations you see on TV every December.
Most of these neighborhood descriptions are shallow and lifestyle porny but the Crown Heights and Windsor Terrace descriptions are off the charts krazee. I mean who would believe there is a neighborhood in New York City without white people? And she makes Crown Heights sound like a war zone.
Note to Ms. Lee: Go visit a few places before damning them with your insights gained with your fancy education.