Bonnie Lee of the Brooklyn Examiner really knows Brooklyn:

Standard

Boerum Hill: Beautiful-beautiful-beautiful. Good subway accessibility. A lively mix. Large African and Middle Eastern populations with their excellent food. Antiques shops. Smith Street’s restaurant row. One day when I have a real paying job, I will live here.

Cobble Hill: Popular and chic yet serene and tranquil. Great little gourmet food shops and clothing boutiques. Discount tickets at Cobble Hill Cinemas. Olives, nuts, and hummus from legendary Sahadi’s store.

Carroll Gardens: Old Italian men shootin’ the breeze outdoors all summer. Charming. Historic brownstones with actual gardens. Handmade pasta at Caputo’s. Bocce. Where I call home.

Red Hook: Though MTV based a Real World season in this neighborhood, I do not know anyone who lives here…yet. IKEA. Those ballpark vendors in the summer. Housing projects. No subways. Possible location of the teamsters’ sandwich shop mentioned in 30 Rock episode.

Williamsburg: Industrial. Hipsters. Artist types. Cash only. Gritty urbanism. Former garter, shoe, and candle factories converted into overpriced lofts. Dirty. According to sis, “where the ‘poor kids’ of Gossip Girl allegedly live with their artist dad.”

Greenpoint: Old Polish neighborhood. Mostly subway inaccessible. McCarren Park Pool and nostalgia for the summer concerts there (soon to open as an actual public pool).

Brooklyn Heights: Basically a Manhattan neighborhood that happens to be on the other side of the river. Brownstone mansions for yuppies who work on Wall Street and want to start a family. Waterfront promenade for fancy dog-walking and jogging in expensive stretchy clothes. $$$$.

DUMBO: Art galleries and workspaces. Yummy foods: Grimaldi’s pizza, River Café, Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, Jacques Torres Chocolate. Views of bridges and skyline. According to sis, “where the loft of the ‘poor kids’ of Gossip Girl is actually located.” Which makes that show a total farce, told you.

Windsor Terrace and Kensington: No one knows where either is, even native New Yorkers. The few ungentrified (read: affordable, or, in the words of a white friend who lives there, “no white people”) areas left in Brooklyn that are still somewhat downtown Manhattan accessible.

Fort Greene: Brooklyn Flea market. Grand burgundy brownstones and uneven sidewalks. Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM). Home to writers Jhumpa Lahiri, Colson Whitehead, Amitav Ghosh, and Jennifer Egan, among others.

Clinton Hill: G train. Pratt Institute and its artsy students. Historic mansions that were accessible to Manhattan by stagecoach but not so much by subway. Still affordable without being crappy.

Park Slope: The yuppieland of Brooklyn after the internet-startup boom 10 years ago. All-terrain SUV-type strollers, moms in Burberry and Lululemon, and well-groomed purebreds take up the width of sidewalks.

Prospect Heights: A no-man’s land between Park Slope and whatever lays beyond. Connected by the dreaded Franklin Street Shuttle that everyone insists is not that bad.

Crown Heights: Blacks + Hasidic Jews + other = race riots.

Dyker Heights: Houses covered in crazy Christmas lights and decorations you see on TV every December.

Most of these neighborhood descriptions are shallow and lifestyle porny but the Crown Heights and Windsor Terrace descriptions are off the charts krazee.   I mean who would believe there is a neighborhood in New York City without white people?  And she makes Crown Heights sound like a war zone.

Note to Ms. Lee:  Go visit a few places before damning them with your insights gained with your fancy education.

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4 thoughts on “Bonnie Lee of the Brooklyn Examiner really knows Brooklyn:

  1. Reverend Manny

    argh… i fucking hate shit like this… thanks so much for posting it… I think i even know who this wretched woman that wrote that article is… total fucking cheese and wine popping yuppie…

    argh!!! I remember being in Journalism School with these fucking yuppies who would move to these “cool brooklyn” neighborhoods and not understand why it is so many people hated them…

    dear yuppies,
    you are the spoiled children of privilege… furthermore, you are taking away valuable rent markets for the “growth economy”… without a “growth economy” (i.e. an economy of constantly inflowing immigrants and entrepeneuers) the city dies… that’s why you have starbucks everywhere but NYC has lost its fucking soul… now the procession of duane reades, rite aids,etc is never ending… you awful, selfish, self-serving, ignorant bastards… you choke out the life from this city…

    this is my number one pet peeve…

    I was raised in bushwick and ridgewook when i was a kid. That shit was flat out Latin King territory. It was scary for a scrawny romanian immigrant but it was the only rent we could’ve afforded. Through decades of work, my family finally broke into the lower middle class….

    Thanks to these asshole yuppies, the opportunity my family had is all but gone….

    These fucking colonizing, gentrifying yuppies are killing the very SPRING OF LIFE for the city… i.e. affordable, accessible life to millions of new immigrants a year….

    It’s like, when they had money, white flight went straight out to the suburbs. Now that us urban folks (of all colors and classes) fixed our OWN cities, these suburban fuckwads wanna take our shit over. Hey dickwads… maybe if you’re grandparents weren’t such racist Norman Rockwell-obsessed ultra-nationalists you too could have grown up in a multicultural city. As a matter of fact I have an idea…. why don’t you stop crowding US out… and start making YOUR suburbs more acceptable to your lifestyle….

    Dammit…

    I really really fucking hate yuppies. And I really really fucking super hate gentrification. It is symbolic of the sort of Brutal Ignorance our country loves to writhe in.

    hahhahahaha….. just scrolled up and saw what a massive rant this turned into…

    fuck it, i’m pressing submit anyway, lol

    one love, one hope, one hustle,
    —Reverend Manny and the Twilight Empire

  2. Reverend Manny

    wait a second… I DO know who bonnie lee is…. she’s totally one of those PBR drinking, trucker hat loving yuppie douchers…. oh lord… what has happened to my angry old brooklyn?????

  3. Reverend Manny

    they’ll just have a few mocchiatas… maybe tap the trust fund… see if mommy and daddy can find them a job…

    jesus… no wonder they’re so out of touch with reality…

    one love,
    –the rev

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