How can one be down/tell me where to start….

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sunflowers brandy sitting up in my room cheesy song of the day

in my room….

Cheesy Song of the Day, December 17:

Sittin’ Up in My RoomBrandy

Recently, I had a friend bail on a date.  We made plans to meet up and I put aside my anal-retentive nature and let him follow up with the details.  The appointed meeting time came and went.  And then I got a cowardly text full of apologies and regret.  The words didn’t matter because what I heard was: I’m pathetic, I don’t have my shit together, won’t you be super duper understanding of my patheticness because well I’m pathetic and you aren’t.

I think I responded with something flippant because I was so pissed, I deleted all the texts.  My friend has a complicated life — he’s co-parenting with two women who don’t seem to like him. (Caveat: I’ve only heard his side of the story.)  From conversations with him, I’ve learned that co-parenting is hard; co-parenting when the parents don’t seem to have any residue of affection between them is a hellish challenge.

I guess what pissed me off is if my friend isn’t really available to show up for friendship, why not say so?  I would prefer he told me straight out that his life doesn’t allow him to socialize, that his life is dictated by co-parenting challenges that take precedence.  I resent it when people in my social circle say they will show up yet flake. I have a low tolerance level for that kind of disappointment. It makes me feel like the burden is on me to be super understanding of a person’s limitations while making me feel angry (if you  told me you couldn’t come, I would have made other plans) and conflicted (why can’t I be more understanding that you are in a shitty life circumstance? Isn’t that  how to be a  good friend? But why not expect thoughtfulness  of my time & feelings?).  See?

After this trip down the expectations and friendship rabbit hole, I thought of Brandy’s ‘Sittin’ Up In My Room’.   It’s just easier if I make my own fun and not worry about having a friend accompany me.

What’s YOUR Cheesy Song of the Day?

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