Cheesy Song of the Day, December 17:
Recently, I had a friend bail on a date. We made plans to meet up and I put aside my anal-retentive nature and let him follow up with the details. The appointed meeting time came and went. And then I got a cowardly text full of apologies and regret. The words didn’t matter because what I heard was: I’m pathetic, I don’t have my shit together, won’t you be super duper understanding of my patheticness because well I’m pathetic and you aren’t.
I think I responded with something flippant because I was so pissed, I deleted all the texts. My friend has a complicated life — he’s co-parenting with two women who don’t seem to like him. (Caveat: I’ve only heard his side of the story.) From conversations with him, I’ve learned that co-parenting is hard; co-parenting when the parents don’t seem to have any residue of affection between them is a hellish challenge.
I guess what pissed me off is if my friend isn’t really available to show up for friendship, why not say so? I would prefer he told me straight out that his life doesn’t allow him to socialize, that his life is dictated by co-parenting challenges that take precedence. I resent it when people in my social circle say they will show up yet flake. I have a low tolerance level for that kind of disappointment. It makes me feel like the burden is on me to be super understanding of a person’s limitations while making me feel angry (if you told me you couldn’t come, I would have made other plans) and conflicted (why can’t I be more understanding that you are in a shitty life circumstance? Isn’t that how to be a good friend? But why not expect thoughtfulness of my time & feelings?). See?
After this trip down the expectations and friendship rabbit hole, I thought of Brandy’s ‘Sittin’ Up In My Room’. It’s just easier if I make my own fun and not worry about having a friend accompany me.