I believe that we, due to free will and working brains, each have our own version of heaven and hell. There will be ample time for me to share my concept of heaven (rest assured, it starts with Leo DiCaprio and Prince Harry) but today, I want to outline my version of hell and the many possible reasons why my soul may become a permanent resident.
Hell for me is a place where CNN is the only station allowed on the television. And Dick Cheney is being interviewed by Nancy Grace. It is a neverending interview because neither of them has any plans to die. I’m in an airport waiting for a permanently delayed flight. Waiting with me are Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, Donald Trump and Sarah Palin. They will not shut up about how amazing they are. I have nothing to jam into my eyes and ears.
Now, you can see why I wouldn’t want to spend any time in this….hellhole. That’s why I try to be careful with the thoughts that may put me on Hell’s express bus! But sometimes…..
I think flossing on the subway is gross. Am I going to hell?
I respect a woman’s right to manage her medical care. Am I going to hell?
I laugh at any American who loses their shit over royalty. Am I going to hell?
I believe Joel Osteen is a con artist. Am I going to hell?
I laugh until I pee when I realize some Americans are convinced that Benghazi is in Cuba. Am I going to hell?
I think parents who give their 5 year olds guns are weird. Am I going to hell?
I want to make over every 5th New Yorker. Am I going to hell? (And I do know someone somewhere may want to make me over too!)
I wonder if Tyler Perry will ever be able to tell a story w/o misogyny at its core. Am I going to hell?
I loathe willful ignorance. Am I going to hell?