4am, I am meditating on pain. Throbbing thrusts of pain that jolt my mouth and sinuses. It’s the kind of pain that should make me whimper cry, but I don’t. I wish I could say that it’s because I’m one of those happy warrior types but I am not. I just don’t feel like wasting any additional energy on crying, even if it releases endorphins. I am wide awake. The pain has intensified. The throbbing ricochets to other areas of my mouth. In between feeling the anguish, I am momentarily amazed at how pain and nerve sensations work and note I have to better understand what causes that kind of insanity in the body. One day. At 4:10am, I decide to take two ibuprofen. Relief and a return to sleep. I do not dream.
I made it to the dentist in time for a solution for the throbbing pain in the back of my mouth. Dentist thoughtfully explained that the troublesome tooth would have to be extracted but that couldn’t happen until Monday. My birthday. Ah. My unhappiness didn’t last long because he also offered painkillers. What a kind lovely human being, Dentist be. And I take my Tylenol with codeine and begin to consider what I really want for my birthday instead of getting a tooth pulled. I want to have sex with any of the following men. Preferably in an over the top hotel suite that has a neverending supply of condoms and food. And maybe this as the soundtrack:
Why? Because I think he’s an amazing actor and I have a feeling that he has a big peen.
Why? There’s something about him that makes me go crazy.
Why? He’s a Leo man and I imagine he will be the kind that lives to take charge. Yay!
Maybe I can stalk them in my dreams?