Cheesy Song of the Day, December 30:
‘Don’t Rain on My Parade‘ Barbara Streisand
…and the movie was sad and a reminder why the last year has been difficult. It’s hard to be lonely. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m lonely or if I’m pining for Nate. Maybe it’s both? Either way, the year has been tough. The holidays are even tougher. I don’t tell myself how the holidays should be or what I should expect to feel — I just feel. And I feel awful. Sad, depressed and lonely. I’m kinda hoping to feel less next year. Or maybe to try to not feel as awful as I do.
The recommendation of becoming comfortable with loneliness and not to fight it but to observe it is good but difficult to practice as often as I need to. Or would hope to. I don’t know why I can’t be loved. And that makes me very sad.