I was watching THE WAY WE WERE and…

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Cheesy Song of the Day, December 30:
Don’t Rain on My ParadeBarbara Streisand

…and the movie was sad and a reminder why the last year has been difficult. It’s hard to be lonely. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m lonely or if I’m pining for Nate. Maybe it’s both? Either way, the year has been tough.  The holidays are even tougher.  I don’t tell myself how the holidays should be or what I should expect to feel — I just feel. And I feel awful. Sad, depressed and lonely.  I’m kinda hoping to feel less next year. Or maybe to try to not feel as awful as I do.

The recommendation of becoming comfortable with loneliness and not to fight it but to observe it is good but difficult to practice as often as I need to.  Or would hope to.  I don’t know why I can’t be loved. And that makes me very sad.