Cheesy Song of the Day, December 16:
‘Against All Odds’ Phil Collins
The week that was included loneliness, heartbreak, sadness, anxiety, sleeplessness, disappointment, slothery, frustration, arrgh. It wasn’t the best of times or the worst of times – it was a trying time. My response: Disco Elf.
After 5 months of being period free thanks to a lovely shot of Lupron, the sucker came back. I don’t actually call it sucker. I call it Beast because it is a vicious mean-spirited animal that ruins my life for 5-8 days. It’s rude, messy and ruthless. 38 tampons in a two day period ruthless. Beast made sure I felt weak all the time. Beast drained all the color from my body. Beast made me anemic. Beast hates me and the feeling is mutual.
I know that if I heard today’s Cheesy Song of the Day earlier in the week, I would have been stuck, spiraling, feeling sorry for myself and hating the world. Instead, I heard the good in the sadness.
I remember dancing to this in my bedroom. And feeling very cool that I was into a Brit group. My hair would whip around as I danced in glee. Especially at the bridge part of the song. Like it that it makes me want to dance the night away and love it because it asks such a sweet question: where is the tenderness?
Tenderness, thoughtfulness, kindness — all of them — where is it? How can I practice it today, tomorrow, this week? I made a choice to be tender with myself today. A good friend died and I decided to not bounce back from being down about her being gone. There’s no need to rush myself into feeling at peace with her being gone. I’m being tender about my sadness and longing that she was still here.